“What’s that?”: A story of the birds and the bees

3 Dec

Yesterday, the dreadful day came. The one I have been {successfully} avoiding for over 3 years. The day in which my daughter was no longer satisfied with calling everything in the underwear zone, “butt”. Good news, though: I survived. Barely.

Mr. and I have said from the beginning that we would handle questions regarding private parts and other such things one way, and one way only. Truthfully. And {hopefully} with a straight face.

I mean, come on… they are funny words, meanings aside, they words still sound silly. Also, vestibule. That word gets me giggling every time. Vestibule. Ha. Haha. AHhahahahaha. *sigh* I’m done now. Wait…. hahahaha. Ok. Now I am done. Seriously, though, “vestibule” doesn’t make you chuckle even a little? Teeheehee. There I go again. I’ve got to stop.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. Private parts.

Yesterday, this little scenario played out:

I begin changing Buddy Boy’s diaper.

Little Miss: What’s that?

Me: What’s what?

Little Miss (pointing): That. On his butt.

Me: Ummm… poop? (I really did think she was asking about the poop, at this point).

Little Miss (pointing a little more emphatically): No, Mom. That

Me (still thinking she is talking about poop): Poop. That right there (point to glob of poo), is poop.

Little Miss (now pointing so close there is no denying it): MOM! What. Is. Thaaat? 

Me: Oh. (Maintain straight face. Think of discontinuation of coffee… maintain straight face.) That? (Point to part). 

Little Miss: Yes. That’s what I said. (Points again.) What is that?

Me: That is called a “penis”. 

Little Miss: Peanuts?

Me: No, not peanuts. Penis.

Little Miss: Oh. Well, I don’t have one of those on my butt.

Me: Nope. You don’t.

Little Miss: But, [Middle Little] does. 

Me: Yes, he does.

Little Miss: Why?

Me: Because boys have penises, and girls don’t.

Little Miss: Oh. 

Whew. Glad that is over.

Little Miss: What do I have on my butt?

Dang. So close.

Me: You have a vagina.

Little Miss: A wuh-China?

Me: Yes, a va-gi-na.

Little Miss: Boys have penis. Girls have wuh-China’s. Right, Mom?

Me: Yep. That’s right.

Little Miss: Ok. Thanks.

Well, that went well. I think. I hope. Good Lord, I am just glad it’s over. Good, bad or ugly – It’s over!

About ten minutes later, Mr. calls.

Me: You will never guess what your daughter just asked about….

Hearing my conversation with Mr., Little Miss asks to talk to Daddy.

I hand the phone over.

Little Miss: Hi, Dad.

Mr.: Hi. How are you?

Little Miss: Good. Ummm…. Mommy told me something.

Mr.: Oh? What did she tell you?

Little Miss: [Buddy Boy] and [Middle Little] have penis and I have a CHINA!

Silence.

Faint chuckling.

Mr.: That’s right. Mommy is right. Are you having a good day?

While I joke about this being awkward and awful, I really think I handled it well.

Have you had to have the parts talk with your kids? How did it come up? What did you tell them? Do your kids have penises and vagina’s too, or did your kids come with pee-pees and hoo-hoos? Let me know in the comments!!

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5 Responses to ““What’s that?”: A story of the birds and the bees”

  1. Natalie Schilla December 3, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

    The Little Miss: [Buddy Boy] and [Middle Little] have penis and I have a CHINA! totally reminded me of Kindergarten Cop. Lol

  2. Nickie December 3, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

    Eldest daughter #1 had “junk”. Until she informed me loudly in Target that her junk itched
    Middle daughter #2 had a hooha (better than junk I suppose)
    Youngest son – he had a weeeeeeno and girls had boobs.

  3. Carissa December 3, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

    LOL! Love it! My girl is still little so her bottom is her “butt” and my husband started calling her lady parts her “hoo-ha” a while back. She picked up on that and calls it her “wa-wa” 🙂

  4. Amanda December 3, 2013 at 6:26 pm #

    Jasmin’s is a birdie and Tristen’s calls his a wee wee…i still don’t know of they know the real names or not….i think any names for those parts sound weird too…I’m not even comfortable saying them myself lol and Since we have no doors on our bathroom,i also had to explain to her”shark week”that was an awkward conversation…..and when they asked about how the babies got out of the belly (NOT how they were made THANK GOODNESS!!!)…i explained a csection

  5. Cathy Goggin December 3, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    Great job Mom!

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